If a man uses these 7 phrases in conversation, he hasn’t grown up intellectually

Introduction 

Growing older isn’t the same as growing up. One happens naturally, the other takes effort.

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he communicates. Not just his speech, but how he expresses himself in writing, whether that’s a WhatsApp message, a professional email, or a letter to someone who deserves more than a shrug of a sentence.

Some men reflect and adapt. Others rely on worn-out lines to mask what they haven’t yet learned. If you hear (or write) any of these seven phrases regularly, it may be time to grow out of them and into something better.

1. “That’s just how I am” This line is a dead end. It shuts down accountability, learning, and emotional depth.

Psychologists call this a fixed mindset, where people believe their traits are set in stone and cannot change source: Carol Dweck, Stanford University.

In writing, this translates into a reluctance to revise, adapt tone, or tailor a message for the reader. The result? Letters that feel defensive, cold, or just lazy. Mature communicators rewrite. Immature ones dig in.

2. “I don’t care what anyone thinks” That might sound fearless, but often it’s just fear wearing a mask.

True growth involves discerning whose opinions matter, especially when crafting something like a character letter, a job application, or even a heartfelt apology. You’re always writing to someone  and pretending they don’t exist won’t make your message stronger.

Writers who grow up learn audience awareness. It’s a cornerstone of effective communication source: Purdue OWL – Audience Analysis.

3. “I’m just being honest” This usually means: “I’m being rude, but I’d rather not be challenged.”

Honesty is valuable, but writing (and speaking) with emotional intelligence is what makes people listen. Tone, empathy, and timing matter. A man who’s grown up intellectually knows the difference between bluntness and clarity.

The same applies to writing a demand letter or appealing for financial aid. Your point may be valid, but if it’s written with edge and ego, it’ll land in the bin.

4. “It’s not that deep” Spoiler: it usually is.

This line is often used to avoid introspection or emotional labour. But great writing, lke growth, lives in the deep end. It means sitting with complexity and resisting the urge to skim over the uncomfortable bits.

If you’re writing a letter to a judge, or trying to explain yourself clearly, maturity means being willing to explore nuance. As Brené Brown puts it, “Clarity is kindness” source.

5. “She’s too emotional” This line has been used for centuries to discredit anyone with feelings, especially women.

In writing, it shows up as tone-policing, dismissal, or deflection. But real maturity means learning to communicate through emotion, not around it.

Whether you’re writing a character letter for court or a letter of apology, acknowledging feelings (yours or theirs) builds trust. Reducing someone’s emotion to an inconvenience only highlights your own discomfort, not their irrationality.

6. “Real men don’t…” Real men don’t what, spell properly? Ask for help? Cry during a wedding speech?

Phrases like this expose a man still stuck in outdated definitions of masculinity. And it leaks into his communication. His writing is often guarded, rigid, and impersonal.

Modern masculinity embraces vulnerability, warmth, and emotional literacy, skills that are absolutely essential if you're writing a keepsake letter to a grandchild or explaining something deeply personal in writing.

7. “I’m not good with words” Here’s the thing: most people aren’t born good with words. They become good by trying, failing, and improving.

Writing is a skill, not a genetic trait. Men who throw their hands up and say this are usually avoiding the work of learning. But the truth is, how you write shapes how people see you. In court, in love, in business, your words are your presence.

If you're not confident, that’s OK. But it’s no reason to hide behind silence or clichés. Get help. Ask someone to read it over. Or better yet, let a professional shape it with you.

Conclusion: Growth sounds different. So does good writing.

If a man is still saying these things, it’s likely he hasn’t learned to express himself with maturity and that matters, especially when his words carry weight. Whether he’s writing to a partner, a judge, or a potential employer, people remember how he made them feel.

That’s where LetterLab comes in. We help men (and women, of course) translate growth into language, with clarity, tone, and confidence.

Need help writing a character letter, appealing to a university, or finding the right words when emotions run high? You don’t have to figure it out alone.

Explore our letter writing service and let your words reflect the man you’re becoming.